2002-06-27
1:36 a.m.

Just don't even start with that shit because it's tired and I've heard it before and every syllable you utter from your diseased cancerous pie HOLE MAKES ME WANT TO BURST INTO A RAGE AND SCRATCH YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT OF THE SOCKETS WITH MY GARDEN TROWEL YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD! MOTHER FUCKING SHITHEAD! GODDAMNED PARAKEET COCK SUCKING SHITHEAD!

God, I hate you. Goddamn! My hate for you is making me tremble with HATRED! But I try to keep it in line because I am a Christian and the Bible says to turn the other cheek, so that's what I'm doing! I'M TURNING MY OTHER MOTHER FUCKING CHEEK, YOU RANCID PILE OF VULTURE SHIT! I'M TURNING THE OTHER FUCKING CHEEK AND YOU CAN KISS IT, OKAY? JUST KISS IT!

You were a huckster traveling with the circus, always on the look out for new attractions. I was ten years old and I was spending the summer with my daddy and my sister-mommy, not my mommy-mommy. My sister-mommy. I was at their house for the summer in compliance with the visitation order and my dad didn't want me around because he and my sister were still "on their honeymoon" but my mommy-mommy wouldn't take me back for the sumemr because her new boyfriends, twins named Hugo and Grahm, said they'd leave her if she didn't get me and my smell out of the house for a few weeks at the least.

So my daddy and my sister-mommy took me to the circus and then we were walking around and my daddy said, "look over there, Eunice" and I looked, but all I saw was stable with big piles of elephant shit, but no elephants and when I turned back around to tell my daddy that's just elephant doo, he and my sister-mommy were gone and YOU were standing there and you were in your top hat and sparkly coat with tails and you were slapping a riding crop against your leg.

So I tried to run, but the bearded lady blocked my way and you came up and said, "yes, I think we can work with this" and then you poked me with a stick and I made a squeaky noise because it fucking HURT! I HATE BEING POKED BY STICKS SHIT EATER! I HHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEE IT!

So you grabbed me by the flipper and cut my clothes off with fingernail clippers and I was naked and I said, "what are you doing? Where is my daddy and my sister-mommy?" And you told me that your name was Finn and you were my daddy from then on because my real daddy and my sister-mommy had sold me to the circus. And I had better get used to it and if I didn't squeak every time I got poked with a stick then you would make me sleep with the lions and I would be eaten up.

But I didn't want that, you pile of vomit! And then you took me by the flipper and dragged me around to a small tent and dropped me in a pit and turned out the lights and I could hear your voice on the loudspeaker and you said, "Step right up! See the amazing beast girl! Just two dollars gets you full admission and a stick to poke her with! Half girl, HALF BEAST! Her father a plumber from Des Moines HER MOTHER THE WOLF GIRL OF THE OZARKS! See the issue of their UNHOLY UNION! This is ABSOLUTELY FOR REAL! Poke her with a stick to satisfy your curiosity! She's ABSOLUTLY REAL! But don't get too close! One scratch from her POISONOUS FLIPPER HAND will cause instant paralysis! Not for the faint of heart! ABSOLUTLY NO ADMISSION TO THOSE WITH HEART CONDITIONS, PREGNANT LADIES, AND CHILDREN UNDER THREE FEET! Step right up! See the AMAZING BEAST GIRL OF THE OZARKS! TWO DOLLARS!"

It was really dark in my pit, but pretty soon people started looking down at me and they poked me with sticks and said, "what is it? No really. What is it?"

"Look how many nipples it has! Just like a dog!"

"It's just a Thalidomide baby! That ain't no beast girl."

"Billy, don't feed it. Keep your candy corn in your mouth!"

"Does it have a hump? I think I see a hump!"

And one night I was in my cage and you came in and I tried to stand up, but I bumped my head on the top of my cage and you were slapping your riding crop against your leg and you said, "I ain't never seen anything like you! You're a regular cash cow!" And you poked me with a stick. And then you said that cows, even cash cows, had a duty to breed for their owners and it was my time to have a calf.

So you brought in the dog-faced boy and put him in my cage and then you fucking left me there with the dog-faced boy and he ate my bowl of gruel AND BREATHED ALL OVER ME WITH HIS DOG BREATH, AND HE GAVE ME FUCKING FLEAS, BOOGER LOVER! F-L-E-A-S!

And also he gave me my first baby.

So nine months later, my son, Bradley, was born breech, so you cut him out of my belly with one of the juggler's machetes and when you saw him you said, "Jesus, I'm gonna be rich!" So you had the lizard boy take him away and stapled me up and left me on the side of the road and you took Bradley and you never let me see him!

And a cop found me on the side of the road and he took me to a vet because he thought I was a squished possum, but I'M A GIRL, MOTHER FUCKERS! And when they figured it out they took me to social services and returned me to my mommy-mommy and then the twins left her and she never fucking forgave me for that!!

GIVE ME BACK MY BABY, FINN!!! GIVE ME BACK MY MOTHER FUCKING BABY!!!

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