2002-05-04
11:14 p.m.

Don't you even start with me. I hate you and have hated you since the moment I met you and you know it, so don't try and pretend that you don't know who I am, or that I don't hate you so much that if I had to I could power an easy bake oven long enough to bake a small cake using just the fuel generated by my COMPLETE AND TOTAL HATRED of you and I would not give you any of the golden flakey easy bake goodness, even if I had enough to share, because I hate you with everything that is holy under and unto GOD!

I'll just give you an example of why I hate you, though. Here's a taste of my hate! We were in gym in the eighth grade and we were doing our basketball unit. You remember that? Huh? Remember now? Huh? Do you remember that? Huh?

Anyway, we were choosing up teams and I was last to be picked, on account of my being differently abled, and I was on your team and you were the captain. And you said, "Welcome to the team, Eunice!" And you smiled at me and your perfect Southern Baptist hair didn't move a bit.

And I said, "I don't want to be on your fucking team, but I have to play basketball in the gym class basketball unit, even though my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up again, because my mom forgot to get that note from my holistic healer. So why don't you go put your fist up your ass as far as you can. Okay, Sunshine? Is that gonna be o-fucking-kay?"

And you said, "Yay team! Everybody do your best and remember that it's more important to have fun than to win!" And I thought about clawing your eyes out right there, and it would have been easy for me to do on account of that was before the doctors separated my fingers on my left hand and I only had one really big nail on my flipper-hand and I used to file that nail until it was long and sharp.

But I didn't hurt you because the Bible says only hurt those that hurt you first, and I always do what the Bible says because I'm a fucking Christian, you heaping mound of putrid ear wax!

So, we were down by about 44 points by the end of the first quarter. And Sharon fouled me so I got two free throws. They were the most important throws of the game because they were gonna give us the chance to close the gap. So I stepped up to the line and was getting ready to make my first throw, and you said, "Eunice, do your best and have fun!" And you smiled at me and patted me on the back like you really meant it.

So I said, "Listen, Meagan, I don't want your fucking well wishes, okay? I want you to go into the locker room and hang yourself by tying your loofa around your neck and looping it over the showerhead. How about that?"

You cocked your head to the side and laughed. "Eunice," you said, "you're so funny! That's one of my very extra favorite things about you! You have a nice sense of humor and you make me smile!"

So I took my first free throw and missed. "Good try!" you said and clapped a little. "Don't let it get you down! You'll get the next one!" You smiled broadly at me and I knew right then I hated you so fucking much!

I missed the second one too, and in the melee for control of the ball, I took Katie's elbow right in my solar plexis. She did it on purpose and I WILL ALWAYS HATE HER FOR THAT! OH MY GOD I JUST REMEMBERED HOW MUCH I HATE HER AND HER POINTY ELBOWS OF DOOM! SHE'S SUCH A FUCKING BITCH, BUT NOT AS MUCH OF A BITCH AS YOU, YOU CAMEL-COCK SUCKER!!!!!! YOU ARE THE DEVIL'S SHIT STAIN AND I HATE YOU!

So, I was doubled over in pain and I couldn't breathe and I had a little diarrhea seep down my leg because of my irritable bowel syndrome and you took me by the arm and helped me to the nurse and told her what happened which I would have done myself except I couldn't talk, I could only make that face where all my facial muscles are tensed and the veins in my neck and forehead stand out and I turn colors.

And you stayed with me, stroking my hair and singing gently to me until I could get enough breath to tell you to find a corner to beat off with both fists in your pussy.

And you said, "You played hard today. Thank you for being such an asset to our team!" And then you invited me to your birthday party at the skating rink and I mustered enough strength to kick you in the achilies tendon.

And after you left, I lay there, trying not to throw up, and all I could do was think about how fucking negative you always are and I fucking HATE negative people! I HATE NEGATIVITY MORE THAN I HATE MY OWN MOTHER AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING, I CAN TELL YOU!

SO WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR FUCKING LOUSY NEGATIVE ATTITUDE JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO JUST TRY TO LIVE HAPPY HEALTHY PRODUCTIVE LIVES! I DON'T NEED BITCHES LIKE YOU BRINGING ME DOWN ALL THE TIME!

I just can't be around people like you because you ALWAYS TEAR OTHER PEOPLE DOWN! I need to be around builders, bitch-ass.

God, I fucking hate hate hate negative bitches like you!

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