2002-12-15
8:34 p.m.

I hate you. Hate hate hate hate hate hate you! Now, I'm gonna explain it to you because sometimes you don't listen to me when I'm talking and you know I hate that! You know it and you ignore me anyway, you filthy toilet fuck! But even if you're not listening, you will know that I hate you even more than Trent Lott hates black folks when I finally do something about it! OOOOOOOHHHHHH! Even thinking about how much I hate you makes me want to tie you to a post and set you on fire by rubbing two sticks together in the leaves at your feet! GOD I HATE YOU!

As you know I spent that last two months in the pokey for something I did not do. I would never hit another motorist with my car and then get out and piss on the hood of his car and then get in my car and drive away even if the other driver was taking up both lanes and going five miles under the speed limit. Even then. It's not in my character, and you fucking know it you slimy frog pussy licker! So, you better stop lying about me right now!

Now as you know, when you get out of the joint on work release they make you work. So that's all I was trying to do. And you have no idea how difficult it is for the differently-abled to get a job. I had to promise Mr. McMurtry I'd stop doing his son to get a lousy travel agency job and so now me and McMurtry Jr. can only fuck in the trunk of his dad's Sonata on account of he's only fourteen and can't sneak out of the house so easy anymore. And let me tell you trunk fucking is only fun the first two or three times, so I MADE BIG FUCKING SACRIFICES, MELANIE! SACRIFICES!

Anyway, you knew that Old Man McMurtry was trying to fire me so I'd go back to prison and you knew that I'd already lost one sale that day and you knew that you were a total piece of skanktified gorilla ball cheese so you totally got me fired and don't you think I ought to hate you for that? You don't? Well, just one more reason for me to hate the fuck out of you, you cunt for brains!

I was trying to help that girl in the wedding dress with her dream vacation package! I was trying to fulfil her fantasy but you had to come along and ruin everything you, MOTHER FUCKER! OH MY FUCKING GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT I'M CRYING AS I TYPE THIS AND I DIDN'T EVEN CRY THE FIRST TIME I SAW THAT J-LO VIDEO, YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN, WHICH AS YOU KNOW IS MY FAVORITE VIDEO!!!!! You make me sick.

The girl in the wedding dress came in and so I said, "Welcome to McMurtry's Travel where your destination is our pleasure and your pleasure is the only destination. My name is Eunice; how can I serve your travel needs?" because that is what they said we were supposed to say on the training video.

So she comes in and sits in my cabana and tells me she wants to go to Disney World right away because she's doing some very important research. I didn't really understand what she was saying too much because she was so beautiful in that dress sitting in my cabana that I started imagining what it would feel like to touch that dress with my flipper hand and then more than anything I wanted to try it on.

So I interrupted her and I say, "That's a lovely dress."

And she thought I was hot, so she smiled all cute like and says "Oh, thank you. I named her Grace."

And I said wasn't Grace so pretty and I asked her if she was getting married in Florida and she said she was marrying a model and she would only be getting married in Florida if she could trick him into it because he wanted to get married in August even though she wanted to get married sooner and I said I'd marry her tomorrow and she got all quiet like.

So I walked around behind her and I put my flipper on the back of Grace and I hooked the fingernail in the zipper and I started to unzip Grace and I said, "I sure would like to try Grace on."

And that's when you came out of the back room with a tazer and stuck it in my back and I had a seizure and fell to the ground and you kicked me in the head and said, "how many times has Mr. McMurtry told you not to touch the clients?"

And the bride said, "thank you! I was trying to be Christlike by telling her that I'm going to marry a model who has like four percent body fat and perfect bone structure and gleaming white teeth so she'd know that not everyone is as ugly as she is and the world still has beauty even though she doesn't get to see it very often unless she reads Cosmo or something. And she totally never gave me the chance to be a witness to her before she tried to steal my dress, my Grace!"

So you sold her a vacation while I seized on the ground and that should have been my sale, you queen sized clit-nose! YOU STOLE MY SALE AND GOT ME FIRED AND NOW I HAVE TO GO BACK TO JAIL AND I DON'T WANT TO BE SALLY'S BITCH AGAIN I'D RATHER DIE!

All I wanted was to feel pretty, but now all I feel is hate, chimpanzee carpet muncher! HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!

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