2004-10-23
5:01 p.m.

Oh my fucking God I hate you so much. You just don’t understand the depths of my hatred for you because you are the biggest pile of RHINO VOMIT I have ever eaten and let me tell you, you big curly black pube stuck in the back of my throat that makes me go KKKKHHEEKKK KKHHEEEEEEEKKK KKKHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEKKKKK about a million times trying to clear you until finally I have to stick my finger back there and try to drag you out so I can get some relief, but I gag every time I stick my finger back there so it takes a real long time and a lot of effort and a lot of KKKKHHEEEEKKKKing to get you out of my throat, let me tell you that I have eaten some PRETTY BIG PILES OF RHINO VOMIT IN MY TIME AS YOU WELL KNOW!!!!!!!

Don’t even try to deny it, you FUCK. Don’t you dare try to deny it or I will RIP YOUR LYING TONGUE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH WITH MY TEETH THE NEXT TIME WE MAKE OUT AND THEN I’LL SWALLOW IT so when the doctors ask “did you get the tongue and keep it on ice so we can reattach it?” you will have to say, “no, Eunice et it up and to get it back we’ll have to collect and strain her SHIT!!!” I HAVE EATEN THE BIGGEST PILE OF RHINO VOMIT ON RECORD AND YOU’RE EVEN BIGGER THAN THAT PILE WHICH MAKE YOU AN UBER-PILE OF RHINO VOMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God I hate you. I just fucking hate you so much. I mean, there I was, a poor, struggling, retarded, bird-girl with a glass eye and flipper for a hand when your men captured me scavenging for food in the bombed out rubble of Abu Ghraib. You’d laid out that cheese board so pretty on the false floor that even though I FUCKING KNEW it was probably a trap, I still had to try and get a little taste of the fat free Jarlsberg for my very own, which was totally mean because as you well know I can’t fucking pass up a cheeseboard, THREE TOED SLOTH FUCKER!!! You know that!

So I inched out on the false floor toward the cheese and then the floor gave out and I fell through into the cage and the top slammed shut and I was trapped. AGAIN, MAGGOT EATER!! Fucking AGAIN!!!! And pretty soon I heard voices in the distance and they were getting closer and one of them was you and you said, “is the subject secured? I don’t want to suffer paralysis from a flipper scratch” and one of the other voices said, “Yes, ma’am. Subject secured” and you said, “I can hardly wait to actually see it. We’ve been tracking it for months via satellite relay. When those three boys released it in the wild a couple of years back they had the foresight to tag it with a microtransmitter under it’s feath—ski—scal—um, coverings. What ever you call its outer shell. I’ve only seen pictures to date but if the reports of her abilities are true...”

So I started screaming and touching my pussy with my flipper hand, but only on the outside, because I was so scared of what you’d do to me when you got me. And pretty soon I saw you peering down at me through the hole in the floor and you weren’t so scary as I thought because you were just a tiny brown person and I ain’t scared of no Mexican so I relaxed a little and put my flipper inside my front bottom and that made me get the chills down my back and I shivered a little, but not because I was cold, ear wax licker, only because I was touching my front bottom on the inside. And then you pulled out a pistol and tranqued me MOTHER FUCKERRRRRRRRR!!!! God I hate getting tranqued! Almost as much as I hate getting poked with a stick!

That’s why I unhinged my jaw and spat venom at you when I woke up to you poking me with a stick, BOVINE COCK SUCKER! That’s why! How many times do I have to tell you to stop poking me with sticks before you finally understand???!!!

So once I was restrained again, you came into the room and they rushed that guard out of the room to the hospital to try and save his eyesight after I got him pretty good and you started talking to me. So you said, “Eunice, that is your name, right?”

So I said, “Yeah, Eunice is my name, don’t wear it out, ok?”

And you said, “Eunice, you are currently in the Haliburton Torture Research and Development Wing ™ of the Abu Ghraib prison. You are my research project” and I said “so?” and you said, “we’ve stripped our prisoners down and made them fend off attack dogs, and we’ve put hoods on them and taken their pictures in sexually explicit poses and even raped a few with glow sticks and made them lick the glow sticks when we were finished, but we’re interested in stepping up the torture a little here at Haliburton and that’s where you come in. We want to harvest your venom and produce an aerosol that will burn the prisoners but not leave any lasting marks so we can pass Red Cross inspections. As far as we know, your flipper venom is the only substance ever cataloged that will provide us with such a benefit. Do you understand, Eunice?”

I nodded and then you said, “what I’m saying, Eunice, is that if you provide me with samples of your venom for us to test and synthesize, I will feed you and take care of you and refrain from raping you with glow sticks. I want this to be a mutually beneficial relationship, Eunice. Do you still understand?”

And I started to cry because I was so touched and I ain’t never had no mommy to take care of me like that and keep me from getting raped with glow sticks because my real mommy, not my sister-mommy, my real mommy used to get money for letting me get raped and my sister-mommy, not my real mommy, my sister-mommy used to rape me with a curling iron and you ain’t never had pain like the pain of a curling iron in your pussy for like an hour and it hurt so much it was the best sex of my life, you HORSE’S ANAL WART!!!!!!

So for that moment, TURKEY FUCKER, I fucking loved you, ok? But you had to fucking ruin it all, ASS SHAVER!!!!!!!! YOU HAD TO RUIN IT ALLLLLLLL!!!!!

So you said, “I just have one question before we begin the harvesting. Why is your name Eunice?” and I said, “because that’s my name, fucker,” and you said “well, yes, but why do you have a feminine name?” and I said, “because I’m a mother fuckin’ LADY!!!!” and you said “well, that may be, but you’re definitely a male. I can’t tell what species you are, but you are definitely a male.”

So I said, “what?” and you said, “yeah. Male. See that there? That’s a penis. These are testes. Genetic tests also confirm that you’re a male.”

And then I said, “but I’ve given birth!!! Twice!!! I’m a fuckin’ lady!!!”

And you said, “I’m as puzzled by that as you are, Eunice. None the less, you’re a dude.”

And that’s when I hated you the most, ELBOW FUCKER! That’s when I hated you the most! Because now I’m a boy named Eunice and that’s not a boy’s name at all, PUSSY LICKER!!! THAT’S A FUCKIN’ GIRL’S NAME AND THAT MEANS THAT NOW EVERYBODY IS GOING TO THINK I’M A SNOT EATING FREAK!!!!!!! I ain’t no freak, fucker, no matter what you say.

last :: next